This is where I talk about my day or something :o
Hello dear reader. I guess I’ll try to introduce myself though I’ll be a bit vague. I am usually an open book with zero regard for my privacy so it will be a bit difficult. I’ve gone by many names in the past but I go by Taika now. I am 20 years old. I have crippling depression so I am bed ridden most days. I live alone in Japan and my favorite color is 翡翠色(jade green apparently).
I really struggle with isolation and being unable to make friends. It’s not like I’m unlikeable or anything, I get along very well with most people. It’s just I can’t feel anything so I don’t really feel compelled to try to maintain relationships even if the other person is very invested in me. Meeting once, doing something together, and never speaking again is my style. I’m in a strange position where I feel desperate for attention and social interaction but people don’t interest me. I find that I’ll be texting someone and be really invested when I’m leading the conversation and the second they start talking about themselves, I stop caring entirely. My few friends only exist for me to vent my frustrations to. Outside of that, I don’t care about them at all. Sometimes, I hit it off really well with someone and we’ll hang out a few times. Sometimes those people are extremely nice and want to help me feel better and try very hard to make me feel wanted. But it always fizzles out. I’m sure there are reasons out of my control. Life gets busy after all. But I can’t help but to feel like it’s my fault. From the beginning, I don’t really try to maintain the relationship. I do the bare minimum. Maybe if I put a little more effort, I would have many friends.
I wasn’t really expecting the first entry to be about how I have no friends but here we are lol. I don’t really have any inspiration right now so I’ll leave that subject at that. Hopefully I’ll become more inspired as I get the ball rolling and regain the ability to write some unhinged shit. Maybe I’ll actually talk about my day in the following entries. I had an insane mental breakdown today but I already got all of that out of my system so I don’t have the energy to put it down here.
Last Updated: 2月27日（木）