This is where I talk about my day or something :o
Greetings. It has been a while and I’ve been spiraling down into a deep depression like that time I was pushed into the deep end of the pool in 9th grade PE swimming class because my classmates could not believe I was the only one that couldn’t swim and I started drowning and had to be pulled out with a pool noodle. I’m nearing drowning depth and there is no pool noodle to save me this time. Anyway, some things have changed. I finally “graduated” from school for one.
For the past nearly two years, I have been attending a language school here in Japan and honestly, it was such a waste of time and I would not wish this hell upon anyone. The school did nothing but waste my time and although I did meet some good people during my stay and I liked some of my teachers, the actual learning aspect was abysmal. I think I would like to dedicate an entire page to stories of and rants about my time in language school in the future but I’ll leave it at this. You can NOT learn a language in a class setting. Whether you are successful in a language is entirely up to you and your efforts outside of class. At that point, the classes themselves can be entirely eliminated and you’d make the same progress if not more.
Another thing that changed is that I got into a new school. I got into an architecture school which means that after doing jack shit with my life while my peers worked on advancing their careers and education or working on their passions projections, I’m finally going to start working towards something of my own. Whether I’ll be successful or not is an entirely different matter. My visa might not be extended for one as my attendance in the language school crashed down to a pitiful 57% and I shouldn’t even have gotten the chance to apply to the architecture school. It just turned out that the principal of my language school knew the principal of the architecture school and personally set me up so that they would give me a shot at entering. I’m a pathetic excuse for a human and yet life keeps throwing these golden opportunities at me that I don’t deserve. It’s funny how those things work.
Anyway, I need to work on the site more. Until next time.
Hello dear reader. I guess I’ll try to introduce myself though I’ll be a bit vague. I am usually an open book with zero regard for my privacy so it will be a bit difficult. I’ve gone by many names in the past but I go by Taika now. I am 20 years old. I have crippling depression so I am bed ridden most days. I live alone in Japan and my favorite color is 翡翠色(jade green apparently).
I really struggle with isolation and being unable to make friends. It’s not like I’m unlikeable or anything, I get along very well with most people. It’s just I can’t feel anything so I don’t really feel compelled to try to maintain relationships even if the other person is very invested in me. Meeting once, doing something together, and never speaking again is my style. I’m in a strange position where I feel desperate for attention and social interaction but people don’t interest me. I find that I’ll be texting someone and be really invested when I’m leading the conversation and the second they start talking about themselves, I stop caring entirely. My few friends only exist for me to vent my frustrations to. Outside of that, I don’t care about them at all. Sometimes, I hit it off really well with someone and we’ll hang out a few times. Sometimes those people are extremely nice and want to help me feel better and try very hard to make me feel wanted. But it always fizzles out. I’m sure there are reasons out of my control. Life gets busy after all. But I can’t help but to feel like it’s my fault. From the beginning, I don’t really try to maintain the relationship. I do the bare minimum. Maybe if I put a little more effort, I would have many friends.
I wasn’t really expecting the first entry to be about how I have no friends but here we are lol. I don’t really have any inspiration right now so I’ll leave that subject at that. Hopefully I’ll become more inspired as I get the ball rolling and regain the ability to write some unhinged shit. Maybe I’ll actually talk about my day in the following entries. I had an insane mental breakdown today but I already got all of that out of my system so I don’t have the energy to put it down here.
Last Updated: 3月18日（水）